The Guilt Will Eat You Alive
by bigger infinities
Summary: Elena gets what's coming to her after that night on the porch. Post 2x03 "Bad Moon Rising".


_Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries. I just like manipulating the characters. All rights go to their respective owners._

_This one-shot is a part of my friend (_Bookaholic711)_'s challenge, which is called_ Project PULL. _For more info, you can visit either her profile or mine._

**_Word count:_**_ 1,350  
**Prompt:** There wasn't really a prompt... it was inspired by episode three of The Vampire Diaries, "Bad Moon Rising".  
**Pairning: **Not exactly any pairing... you could probably say Elena/Stefan, but Stefan isn't really mentioned, so...  
**Summary: **Elena gets what's coming to her after that night on the porch. Post 2x03 "Bad Moon Rising"._

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Elena wasn't sure what she was doing here. After she'd gone back inside from the porch the other night, Damon's words had buzzed around in her head, repeating themselves over and over again, and she guessed that the burning desire to _know_ had won out over the fear of facing him again.

Now she was hesitating at asking the question that was right on the tip of her tongue as she stood in front of him, the fear of his retaliation the only thing actually holding her words from tumbling out. His gaze was burning a hole in the wood where he was staring, fury rolling off of him in waves. He hadn't looked at her since she'd walked in the door, and it was starting to unnerve her.

"Come back to torture me, Elena?" he finally asked, the quiet furry in his voice like a slap in the face. She held her ground, though, clenching her jaw and gathering her nerves.

After a few moments of tense silence, she blurted, "What did she _do_ to you?" Even though she had been aiming for indifference, trying to play it off as dull curiosity, some empathy had seeped into her voice and she cursed herself mentally. She hated him. _She hated him_. She repeated that mantra over and over in her head, like it was on an endless loop. It never occurred to her that if she really _did_ hate him, she wouldn't have to tell herself that repeatedly.

His piercing gaze turned to her, and she could feel it, burning her skin and searing her soul. She actually flinched back from his look, one of agonizing pain and pure hatred. "Now you ask?" he said, hands clenching and nostrils flaring, a harsh laugh escaping out of his lips. "Well, I guess I should answer, shouldn't I? That's what _friends_ are for, right?" She flinched again and looked away, swallowing hard.

"I tried to resist her at first. I really did. But it's _hard_ to let go of someone you'd been pinning after for over a century, you know. It was a wild make-out session, full of animal passion and lust. I had the sense to stop her, though, and asked her – or well, I tried to ask her. She knew my question, and she told me flat out that it was _always_ Stefan. That she always loved _Stefan_, and never _me_." His voice broke a few times during the last two sentences, but his fiery gaze never wavered from her.

Elena sucked in a breath and held back the urge to wrap her arms around him and just hold him close. She didn't expect him to go on, but he continued in that same tone of voice, where it was like steel that was grating against her eardrums. "And then, after I had gotten properly plastered, I though that you could make it better, because you were _never_ like _her_. I thought that if I showed you how you felt, how _I_ felt, you'd pick me. You'd pick me over my brother Stefan, who has always taken everything I've ever wanted, right from under my nose. But I was wrong. I was so _so_ wrong."

Elena felt close to tears, though she wasn't the one with the broken heart. She felt _awful_. She repeated that scene in her mind, where she told him that it would always be Stefan. She swallowed the bile rising in her throat, realizing just how much she and Katherine were alike, how close to the truth Damon had been the other day. Elena tried to speak, tried to force the words out of her mouth, but she couldn't do it. It was like her heart was permanently lodged in her throat, keeping her from saying anything and crushing Damon anymore than she already had.

Damon must have noticed her, looking like she wanted to speak and throw up at the same time, because he bared his teeth in a humorless smile. "Of course, you feel sorry for me _now_. You're going to beg for my forgiveness, say you didn't mean any of it. But guess what? _You've_ lost _me _forever. You had probably thought that when you'd deemed me _worthy_ enough of your friendship again, you'd let me back in and I'd _come_ back. Well, not this time. I'm not as stupid as I was before. I realize the mistake in believing a word that comes out of your mouth. So, to quote your _dear_ brother, 'You can go to hell, Elena.'" Her name was like a snarl that came from the back of his throat, animalistic in every way.

His words stung and she reeled back for the third time that night, knowing with her whole heart that every word coming out of his mouth was true. She searched for the words that would make it right, to fix his broken, dead heart, but there was nothing she could do. The damage had been done, and she'd been the one to deliver the final blow, ensuring he would never recover.

"And you know what? I'm not even going to leave town. You want to know _why_?" He was smiling a lunatic's smile, a wild look in his eyes. She remembered the last time he looked like that; back before he'd found a bit of his humanity, he'd smiled like that, a smile that said, 'I could be ripping your heart out with my bare hands and I'd still be smiling like this.' It wasn't charming, wasn't comforting in the least. She stared at the man who she had thought she'd known and felt disgusted with herself. _She had done this to him_. She'd driven him to this state, and she had no one to blame but herself. She couldn't even blame Katherine, because Damon had been over her – partly, at least. And he would have survived, would have gotten past it, because that's just how Damon always was. But she'd pushed him off the edge... and lost him forever.

She remembered his question, but she still couldn't bring herself to answer, so she just nodded mutely. He threw his head back and laughed, a harsh, cold sound. He stepped closer, but she didn't even consider backing up. She was still trying to process this Damon, the one she had thought was gone forever. "Because," he whispered, suddenly behind her, leaning down so his breath tickled her neck in the most unpleasant way. "I want you to look at me, every day, and remember what you did. I want you to watch me walk by with an ache in your chest, knowing you crushed me and turned me back into a monster. I want the guilt to _eat you alive_, every second of your life until you finally die."

He finished with a snarl, spinning her around so he could look her in the eyes. She saw it all in his eyes; the hurt, the pain, and the want for her to suffer. And she knew she would – she _would_ be plagued by the guilt he was talking about, because she knew, _she knew_, it was all her fault. And there was nothing she could do to fix it.

He crushed his lips to hers, mocking that of a good-bye kiss – because this _was_ good-bye, good-bye to the humanity that had barely been there, and good-bye to any chance of saving him. Too soon he pulled away and walked away from her. She could almost hear the cold _click_ of his internal switch as he turned off his humanity for good.

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_A/N: Whew! Another Fiction Friday! This is going by pretty fast, yeah? So, again, for those of you who are interested, to find out more about _Porject PULL,_ please go to either _Bookaholic711's_ profile, or mine_._ I hope you all enjoyed!_

_~Icelyn_


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